Saturday, November 24, 2012

#73- Defending God




That's pretty much it.

My uncle was the first person that introduced the concept of a god to me.  He told me that God was the ultimate good.  The very term in Haitian Creole gives this away.  The head deity in Haiti is called "Bon Dye" or "Bon Dieu" which literally means "Good God". 

Kratos
Thus God's role in this cosmic play was planted in my young mind.  God was the ultimate super hero.  God wanted all that is good for us and was constantly on guard against the bad.  God became masculine, of course, because males made him up.  As time went on, other characters were introduced to me such as Jesus, Mary, and Satan.
The central essence of what God is or did stayed with me for years.  God was not just a synonym for good but was the ultimate good.  So I felt that I had enough understanding of the celestial world from that simple fact.  Whenever people needed help people prayed.  Whenever people needed comfort they prayed as well.  It was all warm and fuzzy.

Then I started to read the Bible in Iraq in 2003.  The God that my uncle introduced me to was the daddy of Jesus.  My uncle was a Catholic.  That god had a name: Yahweh. He turned out to be the deity of an ancient tribe of marauders called the Hebrews.  Yahweh was nothing like I was told or imagined.  He was an asshole, a dictator, and a trickster.  Even after I completed the Jewish and Christian bibles, I still had that preliminary perspective of the god my uncle introduced me to in my psyche.  I never really gave thought to shopping around for other gods or religions because I felt that I already had a relationship with the one benevolent god that really mattered.  One thing that is sure is that my deity was not Yahweh.
Messianic Jew
I cried after watching “Hotel Rwanda”.  I felt ashamed that Black people could murder each other for such trivial things.  I wondered where God was during that horrible time.  By God, I meant the good, benevolent, omnipresent, and all-powerful God that my uncle introduced me to.  He or She was absent.  In fact I don’t know of a public and massive state of need that any god from any region personally attended to and addressed.  With all these terrible things happening people still believed in and defended god.

I eventually came to the conclusion that God was not at fault for the evils of the world and that it was wicked people who had corrupted his good name and deeds.  I looked at all the people who committed atrocities as frauds.  I felt that God was misrepresented in the Bible and I was going to personally do something about this. 

I went on a mission as a self-appointed avenger of God’s image.  I was really upset and motivated in those days.  I had a mocking and surly attitude.  I was hurt that God needed humans to do his public relations work.  I used to pray to God and ask why He couldn't help the helpless victims and starving children who had done nothing wrong.  I don’t remember getting many answers and if I did they were not very satisfying.

Everything changed when I went to a church service at Calvary Chapel in Fort Lauderdale.  This older man who was a “Messianic Jew” was talking to me and I suddenly cut to the chase.  I showed a few unsavory passages about the behavior of Yahweh and the Hebrews and quickly asserted that Yahweh was not God because God was good and Yahweh was evil.  The man looked at me and ask “how do you do know YOUR God is real?”  I was caught flat-footed and unprepared.  My mind responded with a “Because he is good, duh!” but those words never escaped my mouth because I knew that it was a silly and juvenile answer.

My God didn't have a book, a tradition, a cool name, and most importantly NO EVIDENCE of existing.  I was stuck.  My God didn't show up to my rescue when that question was asked.  I couldn't steal answers about the creation of the cosmos because I would have just be pulling stuff out my ass.

It was at that time that I stopped defending God.  If God didn't care about his image and God didn't intervene publicly in matters of great distress like Rwanda and Darfur then what was I going to do?  I was looking like Nehemiah in the Bible, a crazed mad man.  It was all too much for me.  There was no evidence.  I stopped defending God.  I left it up to him if he cared and much more importantly, if he could.








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