Tuesday, May 29, 2012

#62- My Church Life 6

During the time that I was going through baptism class I was having relations with an awesome young lady.  By relations I mean mind-blowing, Earth-shattering, CONSISTENT sex.  The day I got dipped in the water of the main side of Emmanuel Haitian Baptist Church I decided that this was a secret vow with Jesus or God (even I confused them sometimes).  What that meant was that I felt super guilty the because I smashed the same day I got "married to the Lord".   I was dejected and upset at myself because I didn't have the will power to ward off that basic instinct.  After some deep inward reflection I slowed down then cancelled our arrangement.

I bring this up only to share the sincerity of my faith or at the very least that I tried to be close to the Creator.  It kinda burns me when some Christians accuse me of "never really believing".  I some times think of telling of all the personal things I did for the Lord but I have always gone by the code of doing good for goodness sake.  I used to think that this was the most sincere way to be.  Even Jesus talked about people fronting just for show.  I don't want no props for being good.  I do it because it is what I want to do.

It has been years since I left the church but here are some highlights that I remember:
Lee Strobel

1.  A girl left the church and was said to have joined a cult.  I was curious and attended one of her new church's home meetings.  It was there that I was given Lew White's "Fossilized Customs".

2.  I decided that I couldn't get a girl from within the church.  Being rejected by a few of them didn't help.

3.  I visited and was wooed by another church called "Tabernacle of Glory".  I visited there after I met a disgruntled former member of New Vision.  The pastor of that church was young, energetic, and well traveled.  I challenged him.  I requested an audience with him and never got my chance.

4.  There were some noted defections from the inner circle.  Scandals were whispered about what happened to them.  There is a glass ceiling over there.  As soon as the kids go to college they usually rarely come back.

5.  I made it my personal mission to visit a mosque, synagogue, and various other churches to do research and to see if there was a place, any place, that had people like me.

6.  I completed the New Testament and wanted to be an unofficial apologist for the church.  I was referred to and read Christian apologetic work by Josh McDowell and Lee Strobel.  I really wanted to see if I could do The Great Commission.

7.  I was told to pray to the Holy Spirit for clarity and I did.  Nothing happened.  More questions and objections flooded my mind.  I found out that Jesus was racist.

8.  I had taken debate and philosophy and my mind became super allergic to BS.  Exposure to those 2 were a violent blow to my faith and religion in generally.  To prove something truth took more work then I expected.

9.  I discovered Wikipedia and read topics that interested me like a crack head.  I swallowed large amounts of information in a short time.  Eventually I declared myself a "Freethinker".  The anti-bible websites and books that I discovered knew of and pointed out more problems in the Bible.

10.  I became an International Freemason.  I left after about 2 years.  It wasn't what I expected.  They weren't interested in discussing the things that were vital to me.

Lew White
11.  I went to Calvary Chapel and challenged a few Christians there.  A Messianic Jew asked me "How do I know that my God was real" when I told the group that Yahweh couldn't be the true god because he was evil.  I gave a baseless answer to that question and that was the last blow to the last piece of religion I had.

12.  After stumbling across some atheist sources I was pointed to the Florida Atheists and Secular Humanists (FLASH) group.  I went to one of their local meeting and heard them out.  I identified with them a lot.  I later went home and decided that I could not in all honesty say that I could prove that God existed.  That evening I put faith aside and accepted the title of "ATHEIST".


These are but snap shots of the whole adventure but this is the gist of my church life journey.  I have not been to New Vision for a few years now.  I do miss some of the people.  I did develop and emotional connection with the people.  At the end I chose to be real to myself.  If God was real AND good then he would applaud me for giving it a try.

No comments:

Post a Comment