Monday, May 28, 2012

#60- My Church Life 4

When I was coming back from the Men's Conference I committed a snafu.  While waiting in the rear of the car I told one of the brothers that Jesus was not God.  I said it in a cool, calculated, matter-of-fact tone.  The temperature of the room changed instantly.  There was a sterile silence and then he turned around and said

"What?!  I can't believe you said that, bro".

He told me how much Jesus meant to him and something about him losing his mother and how if it wasn't for Jesus he would not have made it so far...

Wow!  I was stunned.  Speechless.  Embarrassed.  How do you respond to that?  Everything I said was based off of the Bible.  The very book that contained the Jesus he was talking about.  This was probably my first direct emotional rebuke and admonition from someone kind of close to me.  Keep in mind that I didn't know the brother very well but I was trying to fit in to the Men's Ministry's clique.  I was shocked and saddened.  I was also very angry.  I was angry that telling the truth could elicit such unadulterated indignation.  I bet he had no idea what I was talking about.  A part of me wanted to pull out my Bible and show him all the highlighted yellows and underlined parts and verses that caused me to say what I did but I relented.  I read the tea leaves and knew that I could never overcome the emotional trauma of a dead mom.  He was silent throughout the ride home.  I felt like a person who shitted in his pants and was trying not to move to much to keep the smell down. I am sure he told some of the other brothers.

Looking back now I realize that I slowly became bitter and cynical because I was slowly became spiteful because I made it my personal business to wake people up...I'm talking about the whole church and then the world.  This may sound crazy now but I was so sincere because I assumed that people at church wanted truth, peace, and all things good.  I also assumed that if God was good and was truth itself then I was on the right side and my hardships would be rewarded somehow.

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