Sunday, November 13, 2011

#50- Hotel Rwanda

I was at my Uncle's mechanic garage when I saw the movie "Hotel Rwanda".  That was the moment that I had my purpose made clear to me.  I cried like a baby.  The movie brought back images of the scenes I had read in the Bible and the Iraq war.  I had a vision of my running into the Sun.

I felt that God wanted me to vindicated Him against the Bible.  That god was evil and thus false.  I knew that people wanted Armageddon to come so that Jesus could return and that meant that scenes like the horrible genocide in Rwanda would soon come to fruition.  I was frustrated because I felt alone on an impossible mission.  I had to break a lot of people's faith and version of God in order to make them see the danger that the people in the Middle East were in.  I sincerely thought that people of faith were all about peace and love, but I was wrong.

The movie shook me to the core.  I still had an undercurrent of Afrocentrism inside me.  It gave me comfort to point the finger at the White man as an evil agent throughout history.  Now I had no excuse because the genocides of Rwanda was a Black on Black crime.  The international community did nothing.  I felt that I was a coward for staying quiet and allowing people to amass support for more pain and suffering in the Middle East.

Believers in the Abrahamic religions expect war in the Middle East because of prophecy.  I wanted to warn people in order to stop it.  Speaking out at church was becoming more and more useless.  I had a reputation as a polemic who asked leading questions in order to teach the audience.

I was extremely distraught at the indifference of the members of the church.  I tried to calm myself down by remembering how ignorant and indifferent I was before I went to war.  It is like a pregnant woman describing what it is like to be pregnant to a man.  I felt like Nehemiah in the Bible.

All during that time of tumult I still styled myself as a believer in a benevolent God.  I was also a freethinker because I used my God-given reason to seek out and process the information.  I literally traveled around looking for people who can cross-reference and contradict what I know.  At that time atheism was not an option that I considered.

Eventually,  I stumbled upon the Atheist Experience show from the Austin Community of Austin, Texas.  I listened to all their shows.  One thing led to another and I found a local atheist group near me.  I made some phone calls and eventually found myself in the middle of atheists at a Starbucks.

Two members of the Atheist Community of Austin
After the proper definition of what atheism was explained to me I eventually came to the conclusion that it described me.  In August 2009 I reluctantly accepted the fact that I could not absolutely, positively prove that there is a God.  It was then that I suspended my beliefs in the supernatural until further notice and accepted that I was an atheist.

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